The Hero’s Return
I finally have batteries in my camera again, which might inspire me to update this thing more frequently. Today, for instance, A. and I drove down (up?) to Northern Liberties to get lunch at Home Slice, and I took some photos:
We got a whole wheat pizza topped with fresh tomatoes, broccoli rabe, and homemade soy sausage and almond cheese, and it was really good. I like this place a lot. Very solid vegan options, including several varieties of cheesesteak and sub, none of which I’ve tried yet but which I’m curious about. Pizza steak? Yes, please. I haven’t had one of those in five years! I think that they serve some non-dairy ice cream, too, but I’m not sure about that. It’s funny; before I went vegan, I was fanatical about ice cream, but for some reason I don’t miss it enough to seek out the vegan alternatives. Sure, I’ve tried a couple of them, and they’re good, actually, but I’ve come to prefer baked goods, even in the summer when it’s hot and ice cream should hold more appeal.
Anyway, as I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been a little depressed lately. A lot of this is due to my nagging knee pain. I never ended up calling the doctor because I couldn’t bear the thought of being told not to run, but by Friday, the pain was so bad that I was forced to take some time off regardless. I took Friday, Saturday, and today off completely–I didn’t even cross train–and while my knee is feeling a little better, psychologically, I’m struggling. I feel lazy. I feel unattractive and neurotic about my weight and appearance. I feel lost and restless and bored. In some sense, I’m just about able to recognize that by resting, I’m doing the right thing and taking care of myself, but it’s difficult for me to maintain this perspective on the situation. Mostly, I feel like I’m sabotaging myself, like I’m ‘letting myself go’, and it’s pretty unbearable. I wish that I could just get over all of this. Such sustained self-loathing takes a real toll, after all; it’s exhausting. Besides, I know that being a serious athlete requires a commitment to injury prevention and treatment that I’ll be too uncomfortable to make until I learn to relax, to respect my body, to accept myself. I want to be able to run for the rest of my life. I want to run a sub-19 minute 5K and I want to run marathons and ultra-marathons and I want to qualify for Boston–the list goes on. I know that I need to be smarter about my training if I want to achieve these goals, and to start this will require a fundamental shift in the way I see myself–a shift that I’m not sure how to make.
As you can imagine, I’m not too happy with last week’s running totals, but for the sake of consistency/completeness, here they are:
Total miles: 32
Time spent running: 4:37:08
Average pace: 8:40/mi
You DO have the sould of a hero.
I can relate so very, very, very well to those conflicting feelings. I have been the same way from the days last winter of buckling down and stopping completely. For the sake of what I want long term. Knowing what I wanted long term was worth more than doing a run I “could handle” [or a workout of any sort for a while there’–and yet feeling, emotionally and physically, like crud meanwhile.
Hang in there, champ–because you are living the LIFE of a true athlete headed for the top…not just someone slogging through for a day to day kick. Your team is here with ya–ones like me inspired and reminded about what it means to be TOUGH and PRIORITIZE in order to do/go what we really want…in the big picture of life.
thanks so much for the kind words and support
i’m sorry to hear that you’ve struggled with these kinds of feelings, too. it is so annoying! i’m pretty sure that i’m emotionally and physically addicted to running so it is nearly impossible for me to take time off, but i do know on some level that it’s for the best in the long term.
oh and the title of the post was totally facetious–i was pretty much just making fun of myself! but thanks
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way! Physically and emotionally addicted = me too. It’s hard to recognize that what you’re doing is in fact good for you. You could do potentially more harm than good by continuing to push through the injury.
Last January I hurt my back. Absolutely no walking for 1.5 weeks. It was awful and I went through the exact same feelings. I’ve come back stronger, but it helped me get through the injury when I recognized what my goals with running are. I knew, too, that in the grand scheme of things 1 month off was nothing. It sounds like you know what you want to do. I hope your appointment with your doc goes well! And if you have to take a lot more time off, this may be a great opportunity to pick up another hobby or work on an unfinished project! That always helps
thanks for the support! that back injury sounds brutal. i’m sorry you had to go through that, but it sounds like you really made the best of it and have come back a stronger runner, which is great.
your suggestion to keep busy with other things if it turns out that i have to take some more time off is a good one. i really should be getting some school work done this summer, so not running would give me the time/mental energy to focus on that, at least!
i’ve been there – where you just want to run and you have all your goals, and then you get an ache that holds you back for a bit.
keep your head up and be smart, you will be back on your feet. give yourself the needed rest and then work on slowly building your base/mileage. the pr’s and qualifiers will come if you train smart! maybe use the downtime to form your plan of how you will build your miles and speed to reach your goals? study up on different training plans?
hope the knee gets to feeling better asap! you’ll survive this!
thanks! yeah, those are all good ideas. i am going to the doctor tomorrow and will probably talk to her a little about what to do mileage-wise, but i’m also planning on doing some reading about the injury (whatever it turns out to be) and studying up on different approaches to training and injury prevention.